


Category 5 Love

by forgottenwords



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst, Family Drama, Family Issues, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Trust, being vulnerable, talking about feelings, the one where Mo tells He Tian about his dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25510087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgottenwords/pseuds/forgottenwords
Summary: If there was anything He Tian had learned the past couple weeks, it was to never expect anything from the fiery boy he couldn’t get out of his head. However,  the one thing he hadneverexpected was said boy to show up on his doorstep drenched in rain, shaking from head to toe.“Guan Shan?”“Fuck, I - I didn’t know where to go.”
Relationships: He Tian & Mo Guanshan (19 Days), He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 563
Collections: 19Days14





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Hello you lovely people! Here's another random fic for y'all I hope you enjoy :)

_“...be prepared for tropical storm size winds and heavy rainfall that may last well into the night. Localized flooding and storm surge possible for those close to the coast. We are advising for the general public to stay home if possible.”_

He Tian sighed, looking out the window. The weather forecast wasn’t wrong, the sky was overcast, deep gray clouds painting the atmosphere and a heavy downpour had started about an hour ago. There went his plans to go and pick up some takeout. He frowned, pondering the state of the groceries in his cupboard. He really should try and learn to cook one of these days.

Standing from his comfortable position on his couch, he padded over to the large window and gazed out onto the gloomy horizon of the city. Rain puddled in the streets, pedestrians were running down the sidewalks getting wet as their umbrellas were useless in the face of the wind. It was truly a shitty day, and he was grateful there was no school today. 

He crossed his arms, following a droplet of water down the expanse of the window. It was lonely on days like this, made him reminisce about things in the past. It caused his frown to deepen. There was nothing worse than having regrets, it made his chest hurt, heart pounding loudly in the silence of his apartment. 

It was only around 2pm, maybe he could take a nap to pass the time…

A quick knock on the door interrupted his musing. He Tian raised an eyebrow and turned, thinking the noise had been part of his imagination or the noise created by the wind outside. His brother didn’t usually visit without communicating first and there wasn’t anyone else he could think of that would be standing outside his door at this time of day given the weather outside. 

He jumped when there was another knock, more insistent and louder this time. The sound echoed off the walls, breaking him free from his trance by the window to see who was at the door. Taking a deep breath, he unlocked and pulled open the door, fully expecting to see his brother or Qiu standing on the other side. 

“Can you learn how to call first?” He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

The words were out of his mouth before he caught sight of the person in front of him. 

If there was anything He Tian had learned in the past couple weeks, it was to not expect anything from the fiery boy he couldn’t get out of his head. However, the one thing he would have never expected was said boy to show up on his doorstep drenched in rain, shaking from head to toe. 

“Guan Shan?”

“Fuck, I - I didn’t know where to go.”

His brain short circuited, limbs frozen at the sight of his friend. Mo looked worse for wear, his clothes and book bag soaked through with rain as water dripped from the sleeves of his sweater. Hair stuck fast to his forehead, eyes red and skin so pale he could see the veins in his eyelids. 

“What the hell?”

He Tian internally smacked himself, watching as a series of emotions passed over his friends face, settling on a rather guilty look. 

Guan Shan bit his lip, “Look if you’re busy I can go - 

Tian shook his head, “No, Jesus I-, sorry. Come on in.”

Usually he could handle his emotional reactions much better in strange situations, but the pitiful sight of Mo was enough to give him a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease if he'd ever heard it. There was obviously something wrong if the redhead had willingly come to seek him out. There were about three different goading retorts he had stored up in the back of his mind, but the aura radiating off Mo made him bite his tongue. 

Mo gave a pained smile that bordered the line of a grimace in return, pausing as if regretting his decision to come to his place. But he quickly entered through the doorway, taking his shoes off and waited in the living room as He Tian relocked the door. 

A peculiar air of curiosity struck through his brain, a slew of unwavering thoughts nagging at his conscience. He Tian swallowed the questions begging to be asked, _why did Mo come here? Why was he out in this sort of weather to begin with? What was wrong that he’d come to the one person who he said he despised?_

The boy looked so small in the large expanse of his empty apartment. It was a strange sight, one that lit an anxious flame in his chest. 

“Follow me.”

He ushered Mo down the hall to the bathroom, listening to the sound of wet socks on the hardwood floor. Opening the door and turning on the light did nothing to decrease the anxiety building up, he felt helpless, not knowing what to do for the other boy and why he was here in the first place. 

“There’s a bunch of towels on the rack there, I’ll go get some dry clothes and be right back.”

Mo opened his mouth and closed it just as quickly. He shook his head, “Maybe I should just go, I don’t want to bother you.”

He Tian pushed an arm against the doorway, blocking the exit as Guan Shan began to make his way out. 

He wasn’t letting him out of his sight just yet. 

“It’s not a bother, Little Mo.”

They stared at one another for a minute, a silent communication that must have put the redhead at ease as he sighed and glanced away quickly. 

“Fine. Thank you for…”

“You don’t have to thank me Guan Shan.”

Though they had each put each other through hell at one point or another, the use of their given names was nothing if not an indication that there was a mutual trust between them. Forged from the many events they had been through in such a short amount of time. 

Mo seemed to melt into the floor, his tense shoulders falling with the loosened weight that he wasn’t being a burden. He wasn’t bothering He Tian in any way possible. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to get rid of that worry line between his brows, even if it took years. 

“Okay.”

With that one acquiescence, Tian knew Mo wouldn’t try to run again. There was a reason he had shown up on his doorstep, searching for...something. Maybe it wasn’t anything that He Tian could pinpoint on his surface behavior, but underneath there was a tidal wave of emotion brewing in his amber eyes. 

“You can take a shower if you want, I’ll just set your clothes on the counter.”

Mo nodded, gingerly setting his bag on the ground. Tian quickly turned away as he started to undress, intently marching down to his room to pick out a set of clothes that might fit the other boy. He methodically sifted through his pants and shirts, settling on one of his many simple black t-shirts and a pair of striped track pants. The items were probably going to be too big, but at least they were dry. 

Clenching his hands around the soft fabric he tried not to lose his cool. His heart was doing circles in his chest, a need to comfort and put at ease the haunted look Mo had fixed on his face. Guan Shan was always somewhat high-strung, with a permanent bitch face settled on his features. He was cautious to a fault and never spoke his mind, so the fact that he came to him in a time of need...he must trust him, right? 

He’d gotten the boy to tell him the story of how he and She Li had met and how that asshole had blackmailed him. The guilt and tears were enough for him to want to rip that bastard's head off. Along with his overall arrogant, malicious behavior he displayed towards him, Guan Shan, Jian Yi and Zhan.

Releasing his grip on the cloth, he forced the heat building in his stomach away. Now wasn’t the time to dwell on the past. It was time to figure out what was going on in Mo’s present. 

Making his way back to the bathroom, he avoided his gaze from the naked silhouette in the shower, gingerly setting down the clothes beside the sink. He took a deep breath, willing the anxiousness and heat wanting to build in his cheeks to settle. The sound of water pouring from the shower head and falling to the ceramic floor of the shower did nothing to ease the curious thoughts pounding in his skull; the fact that Guan Shan had so willingly taken up his offer was interesting. He had never been so pliant before, so able to do what he was asked of, when every action he took had an underlying meaning to go against whatever it was someone asked him to do. He didn’t follow orders, he made them and stuck to his core beliefs in every action that he took. That much was obvious in the short time he had known him. 

It was one of the many things that he admired about Mo. His unwavering ability to be himself no matter the circumstances, and his heart. It was pure, a stark contrast to the waging storms that he held in himself. There were two conflicting sides that battled for dominance. 

On one hand: the need to make his brother and father proud; the want to follow in their footsteps and do something that he knew he could succeed in. 

On the other hand: he wanted to be free. He didn’t want to think about whether or not he was making the right choice or decision. Whether or not he was good enough in every moment that passed. To be able to make his own choices and deal with the consequences.

But right now, none of that mattered. The only thing he could try and focus on was the water softly hitting the bottom of the ceramic tub, and the methodical noise of Mo in the shower. 

Sitting on the floor facing away from the shower, he stole a tiny peek at the figure thinly veiled by the opaque door. Tian propped his elbows on his knees, digging the joints into one another. He sighed, breathing in the humid air steaming up the bathroom. 

The silence was oppressive, he wanted nothing more than to fill it with something, anything to get rid of the unknowing, the fear he felt at how distraught Mo had looked standing in his doorway. He'd obviously walked here, though from where he had no idea. Mo wasn't one to give out personal information unprompted, but all he did know was that him and his mom seemed to live a simple life. 

Though Guan Shan could be called a "delinquent", he'd seemed to not be getting into much trouble these days. Besides any shenanigans that he or Jian Yi dragged the four of them into. That was another thing he admired about the other boy. He'd come from a less wealthy background, but still held his ground and attempted to succeed in everything he tried. He was much more mature than him, and it was an interesting dynamic to watch him display his knowledge of things He Tian would have never given a second thought to. 

The smell of his shampoo wafted into the air and it sent a sharp thrill up his body. The thought of Mo using his shower products shouldn't have been as arousing as it was. Maybe he was weird, but the thought was pleasing for some reason. 

Goosebumps rose on his skin, and he absentmindedly started picking at the cuticle on his right thumb. 

He couldn't get the hollow look Mo had sported in the entryway out of his mind. His eyes were rimmed red, had he been crying? Or was it just the cold rain and wind that had also had his cheeks flushed pink? Swallowing down some of his nervous energy he finally decided to break the silence. Hoping Mo was a little less distraught than before and would be willing to talk.

"So what exactly was so important that you were out during a hurricane?"

The moment the words were out of his mouth he wanted to take them back. The way he asked the question was a little callous, and he feared the words would rub Mo the wrong way. 

A long pause came after that and the silence stretched onto the point Tian thought Mo wasn't going to answer.

His voice was soft when he finally answered, "I went to see my father."

Wait, _Father_?


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little shorter, but i wanted to post this because i'm in the process of moving and won't be able to update in a while!

For all intents and purposes, he had been under the assumption that Mo's father was, well, not living. He hadn't ever seen the man at the Mo's residence and he was never brought up in conversation so he just assumed he may have died and not brought up the topic. It was similar to how he dealt with his mother's absence, he and Cheng didn't talk about her unless it was the anniversary of her death. 

The stupefied gurgle of a response he gave must have alerted Guan Shan to the strangeness of his answer. 

"F-Father?" 

The shower stopped as he voiced his confusion. He swallowed the lump in his throat, forcing his gaze forwards as a plume of steam came from behind him as the shower door slid open. He could hear rustling for a few moments, Mo drying off and slipping into the clothes he gave him, he guessed. 

The weather forecast was still echoing down the hall, tinny in his ears. The anxiety he'd been pushing down resurfaced, and he couldn't stop the sick feeling swirling around in his stomach. 

The urge to swivel his head around increased, but now wasn't the time to embarrass and goad a half dressed Mo Guan Shan. For some reason, he wanted to hug the other boy and not let go. But what did Mo want? Did he want his space, after revealing something so close to his heart? Fuck what should he _do_? 

His musings were interrupted by a rough cough, and this time he didn't hesitate to spin around from his seat on the floor. 

Mo looked leagues better, a warm flush on his cheeks and standing without a slight tremor in his stance now. There was still a hollow depth in his eyes though, something guarded. Something that looked like a burden, dragging the line of his shoulders to the floor. He looked smaller in his clothes, dwarfed by the intense atmosphere in the room.

The storm raging against the windows was a mirror of the thoughts running through Mo's head. The small furrow of his brows was one indicator, but the willingness for him to travel all the way to his apartment in a storm was bigger. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but Mo beat him to it.

"I hope this isn’t weird.”

He didn't think weird would cover it. The two sides fighting in him were a deep seeded worry, and just wanting to know what the fuck was going on.

Their eyes connected and Mo fought the blush trying to rise in his cheeks at the soft gaze He Tian shot his way.

It wasn't hard these days to make the other boy flustered. Mo had telltale signs of embarrassment, a very prominent blush that sometimes reached his ears and the habit of scratching the back of his neck. He'd taken his time in slowly watching how Guan Shan reacted to the certain things he said or did. 

But sometimes, his pure blunt honesty was the catalyst to seeing such a wonderful reaction. 

He cleared his throat, "It's not weird if it's you Little Mo."

He Tian watched as Mo seemed to have a debate with himself on what to say next. 

A nervous energy was radiating off him in waves, though he was able to conceal the emotions on his face as he spoke next, “You shouldn’t say shit like that.”

He Tian wanted to frown at the obvious deflection. Mo was trying to hide his earlier vulnerability. He didn’t want to seem weak in front of anybody. It was admirable, but flawed. He Tian had operated with the same mindset for years and it wasn’t the best method of dealing with your problems. 

He tilted his head, “Even if it’s true?”

His words were genuine and he knew that Mo knew that, which was why the embarrassment was plain as day on his face. 

Mo seemed to come to some sort of conclusion about their interaction, and He Tian interrupted before he had a chance to say anything. 

“I don’t want to fight with you right now.”

Mo sputtered, “I wasn’t looking for a fight!” His hostile stance spoke otherwise.

He Tian sighed, “But you don’t want to talk about what’s going on either?” He shook his head. “You were the one who showed up on my doorstep during a fucking tropical storm, I think I deserve some sort of an explanation.”

“I-

“You scared me.”

Mo’s shoulders sagged, “He Tian-

-What am I supposed to think? Obviously things aren’t fine and you don’t want to talk about it?”

The redhead avoided his gaze. “I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t want to talk, it’s just...hard.”

“Enlighten me.”

“He Tian it’s not that easy,” Mo protested. 

He sighed again, pushing himself up off the floor to look at the other boy properly. 

“Was it easy to come here while you were dealing with - whatever this is?”

Time appeared to stop after his question. Only the sound of the rain puttering against the window could be heard in the silence of the bathroom. Mo’s eyes widened and he blinked a couple of times, seemingly coming to an unwanted conclusion. 

“You trust me. Enough to come to my apartment while you’re feeling like shit. So why can’t you talk about it?”

Maybe being put on the spot wasn’t the greatest idea, but he didn’t want Mo to revert back to being cold. He didn’t want him to hide his feelings and pain like he did with She Li. Maybe the revelation that he could trust him was more than he could take at the moment, even though it was true. Everything he’d said during their conversation was true. If Mo could let go of the impression that he had to be strong and put together in front of him they probably would have already gotten to what was bothering him.

As much as they did fight and call each other names, he hadn’t meant any of it for the past couple weeks. It had been fun at first, watching Mo get embarrassed by his words and he’d tried his damned hardest to get that reaction out of him as much as he could. Now, he knew why. He’d known for a while. But now wasn’t the time to have _that_ conversation. 

“I - Fuck.” He threw his hands into the air, eyes garnering his attention. “Fine! Can we at least not do this in the bathroom?”

He nodded, satisfied and vexed all at one time. He Tian didn’t want Mo to be angry, or feel like he was being forced to talk about his father. It was just so apparent that he’d been harbouring some strong unhealthy feelings about it that it drove him to his place to talk about it. And if that wasn’t the pot calling the kettle black he’d eat his words. Maybe he’d eventually talk about his Mom, and how his brother had practically raised him since he was a child. One day.

Mo huffed, looking more than eager to vacate the stuffy bathroom. He Tian observed the lines of his back as he exited,watching as a few drops of water dripped down his neck to the scoop of his t-shirt. He shook his head to get rid of the urge to follow the droplets with his tongue, internally groaning at the inappropriate thought circling in his head. Now was definitely _not_ the time. 

Gathering his wits, he followed the boy into the living room, gaze drawn to the large window facing the city. The storm outside was still going strong, and from the forecast still flashing on the TV screen would continue throughout the night. 

_“...As stated before, we advise that all civilians try to stay indoors and avoid venturing into the storm. Damage to infrastructure and coastline is imminent as the storm continues it’s way through the province. Please stand by for more information.”_

The conversation that they were going to have felt just the same. A mix of pain and unrelenting emotion swirled all into one. 

Mo seated himself on one side of the couch, looking smaller than usual. He was vaguely aware that the past hour had been more emotionally draining than he liked to admit. As much as he bottled up his emotions, he knew that Mo did it even more so than him. 

Deciding that giving the other space was the best option, He Tian sat on the ground beside him, back flush against the couch and his eyes facing away. Maybe it would be easier to talk about it if he didn’t have to look directly at him. 

“You can sit on the couch idiot.”

He Tian glanced up at him, “I figured this would be easier.”

Mo crossed his arms, regarding him with furrowed brows. 

He pointed at his face, “What did I tell you about frowning?”

Mo frowned further, then raised an eyebrow. “Why do you care if I look handsome or not?”

He Tian blinked, not expecting such a forward response. That’s what he enjoyed so much about Mo, how fiery and passionate he could be during their conversations. The intense gaze in his eyes had the hair standing up on his arms. He fought against the heat building in his stomach, Mo was a hurricane himself, and He Tian had no doubt that he could possibly destroy him. 

“Why wouldn’t I want you to be handsome?”

Guan Shan raised a hand and massaged the side of his head, “You’re an idiot.”

He Tian shrugged, “Guilty.”

They were straying from the topic, and he could see the bravo starting to face from Mo’s resolve. He’d attempt to flirt with him later, now…now was the time to push aside any doubt that Mo wouldn’t open up to him. He wasn’t doing this out of his own self interest, he just wanted Mo to be able to speak his mind and get this off his chest. 

“But that’s besides the point.” He turned his head back towards the gray skies. “Why did you come here Guan Shan?”

He heard a deep sigh come from Mo’s direction, and felt the couch shift as he fidgeted on the cushion.

“I went to visit my father.”

“So your parents are divorced then?” Fuck, he wasn’t supposed to interupt. The thought was just a logical statement, as it was obvious the man didn’t live with them.  


“Not...not exactly. They’re still married, but he...he’s in jail.”

_What the fuck._


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter for you lovely people, thank you all for the nice comments :)

He Tian had expected some sort of a strange story about how Mo’s dad had run off with a mistress, though he had no idea how anyone could hurt the lovely woman that was his mother, and his parents had split up because of it.

But no.

_Mr. Mo was in jail?!_

And here he’d thought he’d already pulled all the interesting stories out of his friend. The red head was littered with memories and feelings that would never reach the surface of their relationship at this point in time. He Tian hoped he could someday help pull some of those heartbreaking things Mo held in the darkness into the light. Starting today, with his father.

Whether or not his resounding words about the situation were going to be beneficial was another story. But he was here, and he would listen. The wind took that precise moment to slam into the window, dragging both of their attentions.

He Tian glanced up at Mo, “Can I ask what happened?”

“You mean why he’s locked up?” He roughly replied.

Tian raised his hands in defense, “Hey, you were the one who showed up with all your baggage, I just want to know why it caused you to come here instead of heading home.”

Mo averted his gaze, shoulders slumping at the truth of He Tian’s statement. He hadn’t come here for a fight, any he wasn’t willing to admit that the other boy may have given him a smidge of comfort given the situation. He was searching for understanding, and another sympathetic ear besides his mother’s. 

“I didn’t want her to see me cry. And I didn’t want to see _her_ cry either.”

Mo leaned forward with a large sigh, covering his face as he used his knees as a resting spot for his elbows. 

He Tian swallowed, processing the scant information the other boy was willing to provide. He was getting closer to the truth, closer to the wild family affairs that the Mo family hid behind closed doors. Was it childish to hope that whatever was bothering Mo wasn’t as bad as he assumed it to be? 

They were both silent for a moment, and he focused his gaze back to the TV screen. 

_“...It is currently 3pm and the outlook for the rest of the afternoon will be similar to the conditions outside. Continuous rainfall and winds ranging from 120 to 150 kilometers an hour, with significant sustained winds as this storm passes through the province. Please stand by for more updates.”_

Fidgeting on the floor, He Tian reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone. He wordlessly gestured to Mo to take it. 

“You should call your Mother, tell her that you’re alright. She’s probably worried you haven’t come home given the storm outside.”

Guan Shan removed his hands from his face, looking more guilty by the second. He silently reached for the phone and their fingers briefly touched, sending a spark of heat between them. He Tian watched as Mo’s gaze lingered on the phone, looking apprehensive to make the call. Glancing away, as to give the other boy some privacy, he picked at the hem of his pants with an idle curiosity. 

A shift in weight on the couch was all he felt, until a warm hand squeezed the space between his shoulder and neck. Sucking in a shallow breath, He Tian turned his head and took a fast glimpse of Mo. His eyes were closed and his other arm had the phone pressed to his ear, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. All He Tian could focus on was the direct skin on skin contact, how the tension eased from the redhead as he clutched at his shoulder. Unfortunately for him, the scant touch was enough to make him tense in return, but it was tolerable if it made Mo more comfortable. 

He couldn’t help but stare at the other boy, as he let himself be vulnerable for once. It was heartbreaking, but encouraging at the same time. It was that trust that was fleeting with them, a push and pull of emotions which clouded his sound judgement. He never had any ability for restraint when it came to Mo. Their interactions had always been all or nothing. He Tian would push until Mo couldn’t take it anymore. It made him feel guilty, about how he’d acted when they first met, how much he may have antagonized the other boy. 

But the soft caress of a palm lingering on his skin was enough for him. It was enough to know that things were better between them now. He would take anything that Mo was willing to give him. Being vulnerable was a two way street, and maybe they were overdue for a couple conversations…

“Hey Mum, it’s me.”

The soft words were jarring, and he could only hear a frantic tone of voice in response on the other side of the phone. 

“Yes I’m safe, I’m sorry if I worried you.”

Guan Shan’s eyebrows creased together again, and He Tian felt a twinge of sadness as Mo pulled his hand away. 

“I’m at He Tian’s. I figured it would be closer than walking home in the storm.” He paused, worrying his bottom lip. “I know I should have called sooner, I...yeah, I’m sorry Mum.”

The soft voice on the other end of the phone was reassuring, and He Tian couldn’t help but feel a tad jealous. Not in a resentful sort of way, more like...he wished his Mom was still around so there was someone else in his family besides his brother who would worry about him like Mrs. Mo did about Guan Shan. 

“The visit was...okay. Can I tell you about it tomorrow? I don’t think we should talk about it on the phone.”

A pause.

“Well, it more or less went how we expected. I - yeah, yeah. I’m sorry too.”

Mo sighed.

“I love you too, I’ll be home tomorrow okay? I’m safe, don't worry. Love you too, bye.”

A stark silence permeated their surroundings as Mo hung up the phone. The emotions hanging in the air intensified when Mo pressed the phone to his shoulder, a weight sinking in his stomach. 

“Thank you, I - didn’t even think about calling her earlier, I couldn’t think straight.”

He Tian bit his tongue at the retorts that wanted to break free: _Do you ever think straight? How could I think straight, I’m not even_ -

“It’s okay,” that was the only thing he could think of that would come out of his mouth correctly. 

He took the phone from Mo, breathless all of a sudden. It was an occasion of vulnerability that Mo displayed, that he had engaged in the phone call in front of him instead of withdrawing to the kitchen or bathroom to have the call in private. Maybe it had been easier for him to talk whilst he was still in the room? 

Mo’s eyebrows were still drawn together in agitation, “She was worried though, I feel bad.”

“You’re okay though,” He Tian reasoned. 

The underlying meaning was apparent. _You’re okay here. With me._

“She’s your Mother, of course she’s going to worry.” 

He knew that Mo knew that, but it felt like something he needed to say. Something to put the other boy at ease. They were circling the drain at this point, revolving around a conversation that he worried was going to pull Mo into the dark. He was upset, rightfully so, but He Tian just wanted to know what had happened to make him this way. He’d never seen him this sad before, even when he was crying. This was a bone-deep type of sadness. 

“You’re right, she’s just done everything for me since I was little and the least I could do is not be an asshole and worry her.”

He Tian didn’t like how harsh Mo talked about himself.

“Little Mo…”

The redhead shook his head, “I just...need a minute, okay? Then I’ll try and explain.”

He Tian nodded, his next words soft, “Take all the time you need. We have all night.”

His statement wasn’t intended to be provocative in any way, but it was interesting to see how Mo’s cheeks reddened. Feeling the butterflies from earlier begin to resurface, He Tian stood up from his position on the floor and went to get some water from the kitchen. 

Mo was polarizing, it was hard to pull away from him, especially when he looked like _that._ Again, he knew now wasn’t the time to be thinking of his feelings, but it was hard when the object of his affections was sitting in his living room.

_Fuck._

He faltered at the sink, resting his hands on the granite countertop. He wasn’t going to let Mo chicken out, not now. Not after everything he’d witnessed in the past hour and a half. It was time to hear the full story that Guan Shan had kept so close to his heart.


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait loves!

It was a peculiar time in his life. That much, He Tian was aware of. It obviously hadn’t been easy for his friend the past couple years, one of his immediate family members being in jail. As much as he disliked his father for how he treated his own family and how he ran his business, at least he wasn’t in jail. Persecuting his family for the things they had done was his thing, but Guan Shan was more on the forgiving side, from what his earlier emotions had told him. 

Shaking his head, He Tian grabbed two glasses from the cupboard and filled them up with tap water. He made his way back into the living room, handing Mo one of the glasses. 

Mo took it with a small grimace, though he idly gripped the glass between his hands. 

He Tian resumed his position on the floor, inching closer to Mo’s left leg. He waited until Guan Shan was comfortable enough to speak. His initial words were soft, breaking the silence between them. 

“We, I mean, my family...owned a restaurant once.”

He Tian froze, glancing up at the red head. 

_A restaurant?_

Mo continued, unaware of his gaze. 

“To be specific, the one that you took me to a couple weeks back.”

_Oh fuck._

He Tian swallowed, watching the emotions change on his friends face. He suddenly felt guilty for taunting Mo all those weeks ago by bringing him to such a place. Not that he’d known about the significance of the restaurant, but he still felt like a dick. 

“I...to make a long story short, Mum and Dad, they were doing good for a while. Real good. Then business started to decline due to a rival restaurant opening up down the street.”

Guan Shan must have seen his flinch, He Tian knew the place based on it’s reputation. It wasn’t just well known for its food. The underlying criminal activity was made apparent by his Brother. Though the He family may have been involved in some not so legal activities, Cheng had made it abundantly clear that there were certain establishments that he should never enter, just based on their willingness to shoot on sight based on his heritage. 

“So my Dad took up a loan to try and make up for the lack of business, he didn’t want the staff to suffer any loss of wages...but he couldn’t pay it back.”

It wasn’t hard to see where this story was heading. He Tian knew all too well about the types of loan sharks rifting around that area. 

“Whoever he got the loan from didn’t like that fact, so one night they stormed the place, beat my Dad to a pulp and trashed the restaurant.”

A detached retelling of the story was enough to have He Tian’s stomach in knots, he couldn’t actually imagine living through it. 

Mo’s voice shook, “I was hiding in the closet at the time, and the next time I saw my dad he was behind bars.”

He wiped a hand over his mouth, closing his eyes. He Tian averted his gaze, longing to reach out and comfort Little Mo, but he didn’t know if it would be appropriate at the   
moment. He’d do anything he could to help, but he didn’t know what Mo _wanted._ He let the faint drone of the TV enter his ears, the weather station accurately describing the scene outside. The sky was dark, rain still pouring down in buckets and the wind rattling against the large window pane. 

They say all things happen for a reason, a fluid moment of choices that dictate the fate as you so choose. He was never one to believe in fate, it was a concept that made him angry. That he was governed to do something without his own knowledge or choice. 

The reason that they were both here at this moment, could it be called fate? If the circumstances involving the Mo family were different, if his father wasn’t in jail, would they still have met? Would he have been entangled with the intriguing redhead who continued to tilt his world into a reality that he never imagined himself living? 

He Tian closed his own eyes and silently reached out a hand, hoping he wouldn’t be rejected. He gingerly placed it against Mo’s calf, giving a half hearted squeeze. Mo tensed at the initial touch, before relaxing gingerly into his hand. Mo had already revealed so many emotions in a short period of time, would he be willing to let go a little more? He hoped that Mo would be able to let him in, as much as it would seem like he was being ‘weak’ or diverting from their usual exchanges.

Guan Shan would never be weak in his eyes. The other boy had been through so much since he was young, and in his opinion, the thing that was holding him back was himself. He Tian could understand the pitfalls of being so inclined to do so. 

He Tian gave another small squeeze of support before releasing his grip, gradually opening his eyes to the storm raging outside. If fate had any role in them being together today, he would allow it just this once. 

It was hard to sound comforting, when he spoke next. “I know that there’s nothing I can say to change things, but I’m sorry that I brought you back to that place. Obviously no good memories were made there, and I’m sorry again you had to relive things from the past.”

His words sounded hollow, echoing the empty halls of his apartment. His apology was lackluster at best, ringing back and forth between his ears. How can you apologize for bringing up one of the most traumatic events of your friends' life? 

_Can you apologize for childhood trauma?_

Mo moved, slowly, carefully. He placed a hand on He Tian’s shoulder, fingers splayed along the line of his neck. His grip was sturdy, tight. It was more grounding than he would like to admit. 

“You couldn’t have known, idiot,” he paused, “But thank you.”

He Tian exhaled, his posture softening with it. The touch was more than he needed as a response. He audibly sighed, raising a hand to rest on Mo’s, giving a short squeeze before bringing it back to his thigh. The fact that Mo had sought out his touch was more than he needed to acknowledge that the other relied on him for comfort. 

He tried not to jolt, when Mo spoke out of the blue. “I know that it must have been weird, how I reacted when we were there, but I don’t blame you. I don’t blame my Dad either, he was just trying to do the best for his business.” 

A silence dragged after his words, longer than He Tian would like to admit. 

How does one respond to such a fact? He had no idea how to comfort Guan Shan, to speak the words that actually mattered. 

Their back and forth consisted of a mix of innuendo and harsh retorts, usually beginning with him and ending with Guan Shan. It was time to break the mold of what they always revert to. A simple back and forth of retorts wasn’t worth the sort of emotional upheaval that the conversation was giving. 

He pressed his eyes closed further, “You were...a child. You shouldn’t have had to witness that.” 

The silence dragged further, a pedestal that held the thoughts that they each held from one another. There was nothing that could convince him otherwise. He Tian clenched his feet against the wooden floor. His feet slid, a cold reminder of the emptiness of his apartment. There was nothing to stop the flow of heartache that flowed in the air. 

_“It is currently five twenty one pm, and this is your local news station giving you all the recent updates on today's weather. Please stay tuned for updates.”_

Even though the dull droning of the weather station continued to make its way to his ears, he couldn’t help but selfishly thank whatever god for the rain that day. For the weather   
that brought them together. However, there wasn’t anything that could shield him from the onslaught of emotions that Guan Shan’s next statement would bring. 

“So what did you witness to make you this way?”


	5. chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you lovely people! I hope everyone is doing alright, and sorry for the long wait, I'm back in school and dealing with some reoccurring virus symptoms, but I'm planning on one more chapter after this.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

It wasn’t the words that set his defenses up, it was the way he spoke. That sort of knowing tone of voice, that portrayed he knew more than he let on. 

He Tian frowned, avoiding the gaze of the redhead directly to his right. He swallowed, slowly running his hand down Mo’s thigh to his ankle. The faint warmth was more than he needed at this point in time. He felt like a robot reverberating words out of his mouth like they were placed there by others:

“I never had a father. I had a brother, who had to be put in the position of father.”

He released his grip from Mo’s body, reaching to wipe at his mouth. He’d never talked about this with anyone before, about the underlying faults that his family was built upon. 

“He raised me, Cheng. He was the only person I could rely on for a long time, until I couldn’t anymore. There are some things you can’t look back on and forgive.”

He leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to be in this position. He didn’t want to be this open, but it was only as open as Mo had been about his father. The words were molasses in his mouth, sticky and thick. Too hard to speak in such a short amount of time. It felt like days had passed in the short hours that they had been together today. 

He let out a puff of air, clutching at the underside of the couch with his fingers. He could feel Guan Shan make tiny movements as he shifted his weight, breathing heavy in the silence himself. 

He Tian let out a rough laugh, “I always thought from a young age that my brother was only trying to do what my father wanted, to try and make me do what he wanted, but I think I was wrong. And now...now I don’t know how to go back. He’s the only family member I have left that I can actually speak to, my father had been absent in his work since I was born and my mother...she died when I was three.”

It was hard to continue, hearing the harsh inhale of Mo beside him, having the other boy listen to the most exposing words he’d ever said out loud. The storm outside and the revealing side that Guan Shan had displayed had him spill the words easily from his mouth. It was strange how easy it was to speak, but hard at the same time. He was willing to do so, for the sake of his own wanting, and the questioning of his friend. 

As much as Mo had revealed about his own life, his own story felt lack-luster in response. He also lived without his father for years, but not of his own choosing. He could still see his father if he wanted, not that he did, but the option was available. Mo had no choice. It was unfair, it was a tragedy. A father trying to do what he thought was right for his family, and the end result was being locked behind bars. 

He Tian couldn’t help but feel angry. Angry that the actions both their father’s had taken had led to this point in time. 

“I witnessed...enough. Enough that I don’t really get along with my brother anymore.” 

His eyes slowly opened, as though the world he viewed was too much to take. And it was, in some sense. How was he supposed to look Mo in the eye, with him now knowing the secrets he kept close to his heart? Would he accept the things he’s done in the past couple months they’ve known each other? 

_Would he just accept him, with all his faults and insecurities on display?_

“He did seem like kind of an asshole when I met him.”

The laugh bubbled out from his lips before he had a chance to catch it. It was loud, and rang in his ears. Reverberating in the large space of his empty apartment, he couldn’t help but continue to laugh at the sound. How the emptiness of his childhood had continued to affect his everyday life was nothing more than a miracle. Somehow, he’d been able to meet the surprising boy beside him through a strange amount of events, which had changed his life for the better. It wasn’t hard to see that he’d been happier the past couple of weeks since Jian Yi had dragged him into his life and the antics he got into. Happier since he’d met Mo. It reminded him of a jilted conversation he’d had with his brother the other day. 

_“You’ve been different lately.”_

_He Tian jolted in his seat, “What?”_

_“Did you finally make friends this year?”_

_He Cheng was calm in his seat, hands clutched smoothly against the steering wheel. He Tian eyed his brother for a moment then turned away. Was it that obvious?_

The conversation had been an eye opener for sure. The fact that his brother could pick up on the miniscule change in his behaviour and attitude in only a couple weeks time, it was...crazy. 

It was more crazy that three people had been able to change him in such a short amount of time. Having friends was something he wasn’t used to. Something he didn’t know how to do. But he was learning, slowly. He wanted to learn, for Jian, Zhan and Mo. He wanted to have friends, he wanted to try, even though they were strange and just brought trouble. He cared, not that he wanted to admit it. Caring meant the inevitable of getting hurt, and he’d had enough of that in his lifetime. But with the right people, maybe it was worth it…  


He Tian turned his head up to meet Guan Shan’s eyes. He had a peculiar look on his face, something unhinged and open. Something that seemed paramount; he was a beacon of light in the dark raging waters of the storm that threatened to drown him. He could feel the hairs at the back of his neck stand up at the unhinged look in Mo’s eyes. There was a silent conversation going on between them, one he didn’t know the outcome to. Mo seemed to come to some sort of a conclusion as he closed his eyes, leaning his hands on his knees as he stood up. 

There was a fiery aura in his gaze as he opened his eyes again, looking so far away as he gazed down at him from his position on the floor. Tian swallowed, hand clenching at his side at the way Mo was looking at him. His eyes were alluring, calling to him as Mo reached out his right hand. 

He Tian raised an eyebrow, mouth slightly agape at the behaviour his friend was displaying. 

“Stand up.”

The request was soft, but it was the loudest thing he’d ever heard in his life. 

His heart stuttered, loud in his chest. He figured Mo could hear it even over the sound of the rain pounding against the windows. Tian blinked once, then twice. He reached for Mo’s hand, a visible tremor running down his arm as Mo clasped onto his palm. Their fingers interlocked as Mo gave a gentle squeeze, making the hairs on his arm stand up as well. 

This was uncharted territory, and he couldn’t control the way his body was responding: he didn’t know how. The uncensored emotions were being conveyed through tactile responses, and it seemed like an hour had passed by the time he stood on shaky legs. 

The intense moment wasn’t broken when they changed positions, him now gazing down into Mo’s eyes. Their height difference was a mere three inches, but it didn’t change the fact that he still felt the intense stare of the other even though he was looking down at him. Time froze in the small space between them, in the continuous gaze that he couldn’t let go of. 

His voice was timid and rough when he spoke, “Mo?”

He watched as the redhead bit his lip and was about to respond, but the power cut out just as he opened his mouth, shrouding them in darkness.


	6. chapter six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're done ladies and gents! I hope y'all enjoyed this fic, and I hope to write some more tianshan in the future.

It had been a couple minutes, and the dark had yet to let up. 

He counted the seconds as they passed, slow and deafening in the silence of the room. It had been a natural response, tugging Mo into his embrace and holding him close. 

It had been minutes, and Mo hadn’t tried to let go. They both stood in the silence, waiting for the other to make a move, to break the clutch they had on one another. He held his breath, willing the moment to never end, to be able to experience the feeling of having Mo in his arms. It wasn’t something forced. 

“He Tian…”

He had to swallow, before answering. His voice not more than a whisper. 

“Yeah?” 

He could feel Guan Shan move his chin against his chest, breath blowing over his shoulder. 

“I think you two still have a chance.”

The room was silent once more, except for the rain continuing to patter against the windows. His heart was pounding in his chest, apprehensive at the touch of his affections in his arms.

He let out a breath, “You think so?”

_Did they have a chance?_

Mo snorted, "Of course, you’re the most stubborn guy I know. If you actually care about your brother, you guys will patch things up.”

He was the stubborn one? 

Mo turned his head in the embrace, breath warm against his left shoulder. 

“Thank you.”

He was frozen at that moment, mouth moving on autopilot. “You...you don’t have to thank me.”

Mo’s head was warm under his cheek, hair soft from the shower. He Tian felt like he should be the one thanking him. 

Thanking him for the short moment they were able to have together. The physical support that he craved on a daily basis but was never able to ask for. This wasn’t something that he’d ever expected, never in the short amount of years that he’s been alive. Guan Shan didn’t have to thank him for anything, he was the one constant that had made him sane for the past couple months. 

He’d been unhinged, fake in the face of the people he’d had to deal with in the past year. Mo had made him a different person. He’d made him change, made him _want_ to change, given everything that had happened. He didn’t want to fake the emotions he displayed, he wanted to be able to show what he felt when it truly mattered. It was hard to comprehend the feelings you had when the object of your affections was deep in your embrace. 

“Mo...I don’t know if I can thank you. You’ve done more for me than I can explain....”

He felt Mo shift in his arms, his words warm against his chest. 

“You don’t need to thank me He Tian. We’ve done things for each other that I don’t _want_ to explain. I’ve been trying so hard to keep things steady, thinking about my dad and trying to support my mother, I don’t want to feel _bad_ about it. I don’t want _pity_. I don’t want it. Just like I know you don’t want me to pity you either.”

Well he certainly wasn’t wrong. 

“So I’m thanking you for the things that you do that I may or may not react harshly to. As much as I act like I’m irritated, it’s been _easy_. It’s been easy...cause it’s you.”

He had the urge to cry, then. It was hot and strong, stinging the corners of his eyes. He felt flayed open wide, barred for the world to see. The exposure made him want to slink away from Mo’s embrace, even though he may never be able to experience it again. He was placed in a contradiction of wants. 

The sound of his appliances booting up and the blinding light unshrouding from the dark made his decision for him. They both gave a small start at the power returning, hands clutching around each other, still pressed chest to chest. A cross of refusal to let go, and the light now illuminating their revealing state was almost too much to take. 

He Tian sucked in a breath, heart loud in his ears. Fuck. _Fuck_. He really didn’t want to let go. 

Mo chose his fate instead. 

“Stop thinking so much. _Idiot_.” 

The words were enough to lessen the worry, just a little bit. Guan Shan was obviously comfortable, and hadn’t acted to move out of his arms. 

“But - 

“Just shut up for a little bit, okay?”

It wasn’t something he was used to, being told what to do. His brother and father just went with whatever his actions brought about. They dealt with the consequences without really penalizing him. But he’s known since long ago that his actions weren’t going to rub well with Mo. The kiss he had stolen, the unsavory actions he’d taken a part of in the past couple of weeks were probably more than enough to turn Mo away. But he was still here. He was still here, given everything. It must count for something.

It was everything to him. 

He’d do anything he could to change the way Guan Shan probably thought of him. 

“You just need to shut up once and awhile, _Tian_ ,”

_What the fuck._

The sound of his name coming from Mo’s mouth was more than enough to keep his lips shut. More than enough to get the blood pumping in his veins.

“Just shut up and not think about what’s going on, yeah?”

Mo squeezed him tighter as he said so, arms a solid weight grounding him. 

He couldn’t help but oblige, squeezing the redhead tighter. It was enough just to have him in his arms for a moment. It would always be enough. 

“Yeah...sure.”

He was capable enough at the moment to do so. For, Mo, he would always be capable. 

_“This is your number one station for all news updates. We are advising all residents to please stay in their homes at this time due to the ongoing storm. We expect the high winds and rain to end late into the night, and to end early in the morning. Please keep tuned for ongoing updates.”_

**Author's Note:**

> @ultraforgottenwords on tumblr


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